So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
