He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize