a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
