Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
