You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
