I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
