But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
