Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
