went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
