well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize