He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize