It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
