just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i drank out of a bidet.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
