Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
