Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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