he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
