How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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