How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
