sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
