i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize