Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
