I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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