someone threw a dead crab at me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
