I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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