saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
