Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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