Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
