I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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