White coat. Heels.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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