Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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