i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sober January is a disaster.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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