Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
