Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
