There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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