The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
