I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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