I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
