He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
