Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
