the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
