We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
