sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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