Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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