i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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