You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
