i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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