Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i love accidental penises.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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