It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
