part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
