Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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