I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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