Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
they're like a gay fantastic four
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
