i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
