I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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