alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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