Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
