I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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