I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
