I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
