ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
