Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
