No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize