how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize