that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
