Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
