Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
